top of the mernin to ya dawg!

my roommate Sean would wake Kelly and I up to this phrase every morning. It didn't matter how hungover we all were (which was every morning), or how many lines he snorted hours earlier, or that he totally verbally abused me for locking the front door the day he happened to lose his key. Unfortunately, this forced him to break into his own house because his dumbass failed to look into the mailbox when we ALWAYS kept a fucking spare in there for each other. It also didn't matter which random moose, or mythical looking creature/female he had sprawled naked on his bed at the time. He would get up at 7 am, greet the dog and cat in the hallway with that phrase in the loudest voice possible and then literally run the ten feet from his bedroom into the shower and slam the door. Sometimes he would run into my room first, ask for lotion to alieve the "rug" burn he had on his stomach from the unkempt woman he courted for the night, and then run into the shower. But the routine was essentially the same. On those mornings, I silently cursed God and Sean for making his pubic area the very first thing I see in the morning. It just wasn't right. And I could hear Kelly laughing in her bedroom at the sheer ridiculousness of our living situation...
I wrote that last post in a drunken stupor @ 4 am. It's now 8:29 am I was snapped out of my coma by a random number calling me, and something gnawing on my pinky. As I tried to understand, like so many times before, what now caused my stomach to be on fire, my head inside out and my mouth stuffed with cotton...I started to smile. The number wasn't a friend who lost me at a bar, the gnawing on my pinky was my dog and not a random Brazilian with a faux-hawk, and my wallet wasn't completely empty. You're probably thinking "shit Anita, you got drunk alone at home? That makes you an alcoholic" No shit it does. But I didn't drive haphazardly across the city screaming the lyrics to "zombie" out my window, there wasn't a random friend lying on my couch covered in urine, and I didn't knock off any rearview mirrors parallel parking. And with one eye closed, I actually cracked a smile and began to fall back asleep....
And then I remember I downed a plate of ziti right before I passed out.
fuck.
And this is what got my fat, late night carb-munching ass out of bed....seriously.
now I feel like shit.